Between The Lines
by RocklifeDude
Summary: ...Lay down a list of what is wrong, the things you told him all along and pray to God he hears you..." How does someone cope with this? What am I supposed to think? How am I supposed to know what to do next? Reflection piece
1. Harry

Harry and Draco-centric sequel. Reflection

A/N: Yep. I wrote this to kinda recap and help me get into the flow of writing the sequel-because I've been having a bit of trouble with it...

And I don't think that you have to have read "Fall Away" to understand this because most of it is recap anyway; but it does make a lot more since if you have read it. I just thought that it would be good to dive deeper into their emotions a bit, fill in some of those gaps that I left in "Fall Away" (because I know that there were a lot!) and allow you readers to see what I was thinking when I wrote it.

And I must give my deepest gratitude to my beta Sing-Your-Heart-Out! You kick ass!

So…yeah. This first part is kinda Harry's point of view, and then there is a second part that I'll put up that is Draco's. So now you can see both of their sides! Yay!

Behold! Now it is revealed where Harry went in his three-hour absence! How he got his broken fist fixed! Yay:P

Warnings: slash (yaoi, malexmale, whatever you wish to call it), mpreg, not DH/epilogue compliant, some foul language (my apologies, I use the 'f word' a few times…) and very slight adult themes…and I think that that's it.

Disclaimer: I still own nothing. JK is the one that created these beautiful characters; I just like to assume the title of "puppet master" every once in a while!

Between the Lines of Fear and Blame-chapter 1 Harry 

Thinking back, Harry wondered how he could have missed it.

The morning that he had heard Draco being sick in the bathroom one morning after breakfast and he ran to his side to see if he was all right.

Draco had just told him that what he had just eaten hadn't settled right with him and that he was fine. Not seeing any reason for anything different, Harry didn't think anything more of it. After that one morning, he never did notice Draco acting any differently. At least not until the day a couple of weeks later when Draco began to act strangely and began to shut Harry out of his life; at least, more than normal. Of course, Draco had always had his secrets that he kept from Harry, but it had never been quite _this _bad before.

The next strange thing that Harry noticed was that Draco wasn't eating nearly as much as he usually did. Naturally, Draco had never had a very vast appetite, but never before did he eat this sparingly.

At first it seemed that Draco was trying to hide it and keep up all appearances that everything was fine with him, but he never could quite hide anything from Harry; or rather, Harry liked to think so.

Before he knew it, Harry would go days without seeing Draco eating anything. That's when the excuses started.

At first they just started out as "not now, maybe later" and "I'm not hungry right now". The "I'll eat something later"s and the ever popular "I just ate."

It didn't matter what the reason was, Harry felt that he had heard them all.

After a while it became so blatant that Draco was lying to him Harry started to really wonder if Draco was trying to lie more to him… or himself.

The night not too long ago when Draco had told him of his pregnancy was one of the happiest moments of his life. Thinking back, he realized what it was that had been bothering him that night, what it was that seemed just a tad misplaced that night. As elated as Harry was at the news, Draco didn't seem too excited about it.

Sure, he was happy, a little excited even about the prospect of having his and Harry's child. It just seemed that the excitement was a little forced, as though his heart wasn't quite in it. Harry hadn't thought too much of it at the time; his own excitement and happiness that he and Draco were going to start their own family had blinded him, and besides…Draco was bound to be stressed and tired…maybe he just didn't have the energy that night. Now, Harry realized, Draco was just protecting himself so that he wouldn't be setting himself up for disaster.

The next week, Draco had acquiesced to his request that they could have Ron and Hermione over for dinner so that they could share their good news with them. To say that the pair had been shocked would have been an understatement. Shocked, but still genuinely happy and excited about this new endeavor in their friends' lives.

Yet, even through this new revelation Draco's eating habits, or rather lack there-of, still didn't improve.

And when he did eat something, which was always something very meager that Harry was sure he only consumed to appease him, Draco always ended throwing it back up anyway; then he would use that as an excuse for the next time that Harry would offer him something. It was just a vicious circle that Harry felt he wouldn't ever be able to crack, and it was slowly driving him crazy.

After a couple of weeks of trying to get his pregnant boyfriend to see how this behaviour couldn't be good for him or for the baby, and being called a prat that couldn't mind his own damn business, Harry just decided to give Draco the space that it seemed he so desperately desired. Besides, by this point he was feeling that he could do with a little space himself.

As Draco's retaliations became increasingly more and more biting, sometimes Harry would wonder if it were just because of the pregnancy.

But, he did have to say that it had been a very interesting and drama filled pregnancy so far.

Draco told him about the pregnancy when he was roughly five weeks along.

When he was almost seven weeks he had his "first" appointment with Madame Karen, who warned Harry of how close to the edge that Draco was teetering to seriously endangering the pregnancy, and his own health.

At nine weeks, Harry was called after work by the Minister to talk to him about things that could only be classified as meaningless prattle. It was also on this night that Draco almost miscarried again. The next day he was so shocked by his actions that caused him to almost lose the baby that he told Harry of his previous miscarriage.

The news of Draco's previous miscarriage had almost been too much for Harry. That

Draco could go through something like that and _not tell him…_

Though Draco was a Slytherin through and through, there was a time not too long ago when he would share _everything _with Harry; when he found a new potion that looked interesting, when his arse itched, when Ron had been standing "too close and polluting my precious air with Weasel germs", when he missed his mother, when he missed Harry and all he had done was take a trip to the bathroom.

He had been battling with his feelings over the situation since that day, it becoming seemingly harder with each day. From what he had been feeling over this, he couldn't

fathom the feelings that Draco had been hiding inside.

All the same he did have to say that Draco had hidden his secret quite well. If it weren't for the fact that Draco barely ate anything and his clearly depressed attitude, Harry probably wouldn't have even noticed that something was off as soon as he did.

But if Draco hadn't been so uncharacteristically depressing and skiving off on all meals for days on end, would Harry have even bothered to ask Hermione and Ron to go over and check on him.

No. He wouldn't have.

But what _would _have happened if he hadn't told Hermione and Ron to go over and check on him that evening? What if he himself had been the one that was there when it happened? He was sure he would have been so panicked that we wouldn't have been able to think straight; he never was as levelheaded as Hermione, and even Ron had been known to pull through during emergencies or when times became desperate.

But it was better for him not to think about those sorts of things. What had happened happened and he could do nothing to go back and change the past.

That first night Draco was at the hospital, he had called Hermione to tell her just how terrible Draco was dealing with everything…but then again…that was before he knew. Before he knew why Draco was beating himself up; why Draco had been on pins and needles since he became pregnant; why he was so angry with himself for almost losing their child.

After talking to one of his best friends, he decided that the next thing to do would be to firecall Madame Karen as she knew Draco's medical history the best and would have to have a talk with Draco's healer while he was at the hospital.

It didn't matter how late at night it was.

She told him that she was afraid that this would happen, but she did agree with Healer Morrison and would stop by to talk to the healer the next day.

And the next day, he realized that she must have known that Draco had been pregnant before. She must have been his doctor the last time, the one that he saw that told him that he'd lost the baby.

That's how Draco had known her and called her at Harry's insistence to see a Healer when he revealed his pregnancy to Harry.

And she never said anything to him. Not a hint, not a clue, not any sort of _anything _to betray that she'd known Draco previously; that she'd known that Draco had been pregnant before.

Draco must have told her not to say anything.

Draco must have told her that he would tell Harry everything the year before.

And he didn't.

Yet, even after all the recent revelations, Harry still couldn't help but wonder just _why_ Draco didn't tell him when he was pregnant for the first time, or that he had miscarried. Sure, Draco had said that he was scared, but of what exactly? He'd never explained that part.

It seemed so wrong; it was a _relationship _(and a very serious one at that).A bond based on mutual promises of love and respect. Or, at least that was Hermione's definition. Harry's was simply that he loved Draco more than he'd ever known was simply possible; so why was it that they argued and fought and kept secrets?

Even Harry had to admit that he did have his secrets of his own; things that he would intentionally keep from Draco, even though they had once said that they would share _everything_ with each other.

He never had told Draco where he had left to when he 'went to the loo'. In fact, he'd never told anyone.

But haven't you ever been so overwhelmed by emotions that you just needed to get out at some point? Get away and just be by themselves for a little while? Have some well allotted time, unbothered by anyone and try to figure things out for yourself, before you ask of others of what you should do.

Apparating from the hospital, Harry traveled to the only place that he could think of going at a time like this.

Closing his eyes, he disappeared with a slight _pop_.

A few moments later he opened his eyes as he appeared in Godric's Hollow. Making a small trek across the snow covered ground, he made the short walk to the now familiar cemetery.

Meandering through the headstones, he quickly made it to his parents' gravesite.

Falling to his knees, he began tracing his parents' names with the index finger of his good hand as he apologized for not coming by sooner.

Draco always told him that it was silly to talk to his parents, as they had passed away over two decades ago. At first Harry blamed it on the fact that Draco's parents were still alive; but when Lucius and Narcissa were killed during the war, along with nearly everyone else that had bore the dark mark or pledged their loyalty to Voldemort, Draco didn't bat an eye. Harry knew that Draco had loved his parents, in some fashion, but that was the way that he was raised: to take everything that life gave you with some form of emotional detachment.

And though Draco now technically the title-holder of Malfoy Manor, he refused to go anywhere near it. In the three years that it had been since his parents' deaths Draco hadn't stepped foot on the premises of his childhood home once.

Thinking on Draco's detachment, brought Harry back to the reason he wanted to speak to his parents again.

Although he knew that his parents were gone and couldn't give him any advice, he still found that it helped him some when he talked to them about his problems or what was going on in his life.

He told his parents about his relationship with Draco. He told them about the baby, and how much he wished that they were around so that they could see their grandchild.

He told them about the miscarriage and how Draco felt that he couldn't tell him about it. How confused he was about the situation, and how it had given him doubts about his and Draco's relationship that had never before crossed his mind.

If Draco wasn't able to tell him something that was as important as that, then how could he trust him?

Merlin, he just felt so _lost._

Standing up, Harry swiped the back of his hand across his eyes before apparating once again.

Standing on their doorstep, he decided that he must have looked terrible, and he imagined how he must have looked: his eyes bright red, and tear-tracks streaking down his face, a broken and bloodied fist hanging by his side.

Carefully dodging Hermione's questions when she opened the door, he quietly requested if she would fix his hand for him, as she had eons more healing knowledge than Harry.

As Hermione pulled out her wand, she asked Harry what he had done this time. When he told her that he had punched a wall, Hermione sighed and told him that he couldn't keep doing these things. Though he couldn't have sworn that she did look a little relieved that it was a wall that he had poured his anger out on; he could only conclude that she had thought that he'd punched Draco. He wasn't sure whether to be horrified she would even think that, offended that anyone could accuse him of such a thing, angry that his character had been besmirched in such a way, or just to break down in floods of tears once again.

Before he decided, however, her next question left him dumfounded and unable to form a sentence correctly for a few moments.

She asked if he was going to leave Draco.

He told her that he just needed some time to think, not caring to elaborate more about what he was thinking about, or where he had been. And she didn't ask him.

Though with a humorless laugh Harry added that he hoped that it wouldn't come to that, the same going for Draco leaving him as well.

With a stern look she told him that it wasn't anything worth laughing over; he had to agree.

I mean, _Merlin!_ She hadn't seen Draco's face when he passed out of his hospital door that afternoon. She'd had not been there to see the sorrow and regret that has been etched onto Draco's face for the past few days. She'd never watched Draco sleep, just to see those lines fade away from his face.

She wasn't the one that had been having a door slammed in their face for the past year whenever he wanted to know what it was that Draco wouldn't tell him.

The one that had to coax his lover to eat more, and take the excuses that he was given because he was just so _tired _of fighting.

The one that had to control their temper when Draco just stood there with his face emotionless, and told him to fuck off.

And she wasn't the one that got to see Draco smile, truly smile; the single-most gesture that could light up a room and take Harry's breath away in the same second.

And she wasn't the one that knew for a fact that Draco had only told Harry that he loved him, in so many words, seventeen times in their four years together; but whenever Draco looked at him, Harry believed that he could see it in his eyes and the way that the corners of his mouth would upturn slightly.

She just didn't understand. Hermione didn't love Draco like he did; in fact, he was sure that no one else did, or ever had for that matter.

After his three hours to himself, when he felt that he had taken enough time to think everything over he returned to the hospital.

Though he was loath to admit that several times during his 'break' he had thought about what would happen if he did leave Draco.

But then he always thought about the look in Draco's eyes when he'd asked, no pleaded, begged, Harry to not leave him. They both knew in that desperate, pain-filled plea that Draco was talking about more than Harry just leaving his bedside momentarily.

But he did come back. He just couldn't leave Draco, he couldn't abandon his unborn child, he couldn't just forget about the love shared between the two-soon to be three-of them.

Saying a quick goodbye to Hermione before she could ask too many questions that he didn't want to answer, he apparated back to the hospital.

---

The middle of week ten, Draco was released from the hospital and put on complete bed rest; which lasted until week thirteen, and marked the end of his first trimester.

After a few days, Draco began to throw himself vigorously into his new project of searching for and buying things for their baby.

Within a couple of days the region on Draco's bedside had become flooded with catalogues, male pregnancy and baby care books, pamphlets on how to chose health care providers and anything else that Draco could get his hands on.

Soon, the two of them fell into the routine of going through the massive stack after Harry got home from work so that they could both be able to give their opinions on things.

Though most of the time Harry was just as happy to let Draco chose whatever he wanted, which he often did while Harry was away at work.

Some nights, it would seem to Harry that Draco was doing this less because he was ready and eager to prepare for their coming child, but more for the sole purpose of pleasing Harry as he had been begging to do these things since the day that Draco told him that he was pregnant.

Three days after Draco was able to get off of bed rest, somewhere around the end of week fourteen, his hormones did a flip-flop and his sex drive increased ten-fold; he was finally able to touch and make love to his Draco again.

A week later though, Draco told him that he was a horny bugger that needed to learn some self-control; even if it was in fact Draco that had initiated many of their recent couplings.

He recalled the day when Draco had finally learned how to use his mobile phone and he called him while he was still at work; everyone on Harry's floor freaked out when they heard the polyphonic tone, as they didn't know what the sound was. After every other Auror in the department stormed into his office to eradicate whatever 'threat' to everyone's well-being was making that noise, Harry just left his phone turned on silent when he was at work and told Draco to owl him whenever he wanted to tell him something and only call him on the mobile in emergencies.

Almost two weeks after Harry brought Draco home from the hospital he was able to bring him home a surprise in his long-time estranged friend of Blaise Zabini.

It took a lot of work to find him as three years ago, right about the time that Draco moved in with Harry actually, he'd decided to travel the world in order to find himself, but seeing Draco's face upon seeing his long-time friend made all of the effort and time it took to finding him more than worth it.

At least now Draco had someone come over to help make the days pass by faster.

--

Due to the turn for the worst in Draco's pregnancy and his subsequent bed rest, instead of having appointments with Madame Karen every other week, they were now scheduled for once a week so that the baby's, and Draco's, progress could be monitored a bit more closely.

Madame Karen had said that while Draco and the baby's overall health had improved, they still had a long way to go before they made it fully out of the "danger zone".

And now, though his "baby bump" was not a lot more than just the slight arch of his stomach that it has began as, Draco still had yet to attain the "glow" that many pregnant people are said to be seen sporting; but whether it was due to his what seemed constantly depressing mood, or his less than perfect health, or both, Harry was not sure.

He remembered when they saw the first ultrasound of the baby when Draco was 16 weeks and how they both cried at seeing the tiny, defenseless image wriggling on the screen that they would have to love and care for. It was a baby; _their _baby.

Seeing this first image of their baby made the pregnancy seem even more realistic and he found him self instantly loving this impossibly small person that he hadn't even met yet. But that was what parenthood was, he guessed.

As Madame Karen moved the small transmitter over Draco's belly that projected the image over his stomach, she asked if they wanted to know the gender of their baby.

The simple question took Harry's breath away. Was he really ready to know?

Looking over, he saw Draco's expectant look showing that he wanted him to answer and told Madame Karen that he would rather that they wait and be surprised; though he wasn't sure if he would be able to wait the remaining months till the baby was due before he found out. At least if he ever changed his mind, he could still ask Mme. Karen about it.

At one of the more recent appointments, Madame Karen had told the pair that the baby was almost to the stage where it's ears would fully develop and the baby would be able to hear and possibly even respond to noises. Though she explained to the pair that since Draco was just reaching the point when he would be able to feel the baby's movements, they would still be unable to feel the baby's responses but she assured them that the baby was able to hear what is going on in the world around them.

Now, nearly every night Harry had taken to talking to the baby after Draco looked to be asleep.

Waiting until Draco's breathing regulated, Harry would steal a few glances to see if Draco was really asleep before slipping his hand across his love's abdomen and lightly rub small circles across the skin there.

He would never really talk about anything in particular; what happened at work that day, Draco, how awful both his and Draco's childhoods were and how this child would never have to worry about growing up feeling unloved, Draco, random bits of news that he had read in the muggle or wizarding newspaper, asking to please go easy on him and his Papa for awhile because they were both new at this, and of course Draco, or whatever else came to mind.

He never would talk for very long after Draco fell asleep but he would always try to do so before he went to sleep. He never mentioned this nightly routine, as he wasn't sure that Draco would quite understand why he was so compelled to talk to their unborn child; but he was sure that Draco would call him a sappy Gryffindor that should keep his feelings to himself sometimes because not everyone could handle the rainbows-and-unicorns-in-a-field-of-sunflowers shit that he was continually spewing from his mouth.

But he couldn't help it; love can do things to a person.

--

A/N: So..yeah. That's Harry's chapter. I have another one that's about Draco that i"ll post..eventually.

Please tell me what you thought. Anything you like, didn't like, that sort of thing.

Oh! And my never ending praise if you know what song this title comes from! Like "Fall Away" the line used for this litle also belongs to the Fray!


	2. Draco

Disclaimer: I still own nothing. JK is the one that created these beautiful characters; I just like to assume the title of "puppet master" every once in a while!

--

**Between the Lines of Fear and Blame-chapter 2**

**Draco**

Some nights, Draco would sit up at night and wonder what exactly it was that Harry saw in him, what made him _want _to stay with him. Why he was always saying that he could never hate Draco no matter what he said or did and was forever telling Draco how much he loved him.

He remembered once asking Harry what it was that he loved about him. He recalled how Harry had given him that grin that he always saved just for him, before chuckling slightly and pulling Draco's body closer to his own as they lay together on the couch.

Then as he tried to brush it off and tell him that it wasn't important, Harry realized that he was serious and really wanted to know.

Harry told him that he loved him because he couldn't quite explain it. He loved how he was a hopeless romantic even though he didn't seem like one; he loved how he was clever and utterly brilliant; how Draco always used his hands in vague motions when he was trying to tell a story or explain something; he loved how he always had such a high awareness of his self-presentation; and he said he loved him because the sex was always incredible. He loved him because he was simply Draco.

Smiling, he turned and told Harry that he was such a sappy Gryffindor before leaning up to kiss him soundly on the lips.

Other times he wondered what would have happened if he had told Harry about the pregnancy when he had first discovered it. If he had been able to tell Harry that he would be able to have a family of his own the first time.

The day that he went to Saint Mungo's to confirm his suspicions that he was pregnant, what if he had taken Harry with him? Countless times he had imagined how he and Harry would have had matching surprised faces when the nurse had told them the news and asked if they would like to have a follow up appointment in two weeks with a Medi-witch, and scheduled his first appointment with Madame Karen.

Then his mind always wandered to the follow-up appointment when Madam Karen had told him that the baby was gone. How he cried when he saw the empty picture on the ultrasound screen when Mme Karen screened for the baby after all of her spells yielded no results and how he still didn't want to believe it. How Madame Karen was able to surmise why he had lost the baby and he cried for the next twenty minutes on her shoulder.

"You're body is just not strong enough to carry a baby to full term at this time, and it also seems to be under excessive stress." What was he supposed to say to something like that? "Yes, I know, but my boyfriend is undergoing the ministry's hardest and most dangerous training sessions right now and he's off to find any remaining Death Eaters and doesn't even know when he'll be back home". True, but he just _couldn't _make it seem that all the blame could fall on Harry like that, when it was his body, his fault, his inability that had killed their child.

When he told her not to tell Harry about this, that he would do it; that he _could_ tell him.

She informed him that miscarriages very early in pregnancy were really quite common, and could have even been caused by a genetic problem with the embryo; this didn't help to make him feel any better. Then he couldn't help but wonder if this really was his and Harry's first pregnancy. He hadn't even realized that he had lost the baby. Was it possible that it had happened to him before, completely going under his radar? Was it possible that this wasn't the first of his and Harry's children whose lives he had inadvertently ended?

The thought made him almost physically sick.

Madame Karen had told him that just because this first pregnancy had ended in disaster before he could really adjust to the idea of him and Harry being parents, that it didn't mean that he wouldn't be able to conceive and carry a baby later on.

Draco remembered how much he wanted to believe her.

Although he had wanted to be honest with Harry and tell him, he felt that he _couldn't_. He had heard the stories about couples that had miscarried a child and how their relationships became strained and almost always ended in disaster because of their loss; always faded away a bit. It wasn't that he didn't have faith in their relationship; there was just too much at risk.

Thinking back, Draco realized that that's what happened to him and Harry anyway. He hadn't meant to shut Harry out and not tell him how he was feeling; keeping everything to himself, even though he knew that it left Harry feeling hopeless.

But he didn't think that he could help it; as hard as it was for him to admit it, he was scared. Terrified of Harry leaving him if he told him and fearful of falling pregnant again and miscarrying another baby.

Though Madame Karen said that this miscarriage wasn't his fault and there was nothing that he did and nothing that he could have done to prevent it, Draco still blamed himself. Who or what else could it have been?

Even now, a year later, he still refused to put the blame on anyone, or anything, but himself.

If only he took better care of himself. If only he would have taken it easy. If only he didn't worry about Harry so much.

If only he had not been so much of a coward and told Harry.

There were so many "if only's" that they made Draco's head spin with all of the things that he could have/ should have/ wished he would have done differently.

Then followed the days of guilt. The days of feeling as though he was a failure, a liar, a weakling for not being able to do the one thing that he'd always wanted to do for Harry. Someone who didn't deserve him.

When Harry returned home from his mission four days later, filthy, exhausted, and glad to be back home, Draco felt that he could scarcely look at him, touch him, hug him, kiss him because he knew in his heart that he wouldn't tell Harry about their loss, and knew that Harry didn't deserve that, and Draco didn't deserve him.

In the days that followed, Draco didn't intend to push Harry away, to lie to him when he asked if anything was wrong, to stop eating and leave a non-existent appetite unfulfilled.

Every day for that long year he mourned for the life that hadn't really began before it was extinguished. Every time that he and Harry made love to each other, he always hoped that that time would be the time they would get another chance and conceive another child together.

When Draco discovered that he was pregnant with his and Harry's second child, it was the most wanted and unwanted thing that he felt could ever happen. Draco was thrilled at the thought of getting another chance to have a child with Harry, but terrified that he would not be able to carry this baby as well and miscarry again.

This time though, he decided to tell Harry. He knew that if this pregnancy were to end as disastrously as the last one, he couldn't go through it alone again. Besides, Harry deserved to know that he was going to be a father; he'd be happy.

He had never been so nervous in his life as he was the night that he decided to tell Harry that he was pregnant. Though he knew that Harry always wanted to have a family of his own, he never had exactly told him that such a thing as them being able to have a child of their own was possible in the wizarding world. As Harry was raised by those god-awful muggles, and wasn't introduced into the wizarding world until he was 11, there were still many things that he was yet to learn that wizards were capable of. Draco was sure that this would be another one of those things.

The look on Harry's face when he had told him was utterly priceless and he was enthralled that he was the one that put it there. He couldn't recall ever seeing anyone so excited, so thrilled, so damn _happy, _at hearing such a simple statement before.

That look made telling Harry worth it.

Though the only downside to telling Harry about the baby, if you could really call it a downside, was that he watched Draco even _more _closely than he had before.

Before when Harry had given him his space and, well not exactly bought his excuses but he would leave him be, now Harry no longer seemed to take 'no' for an answer.

Any excuse that he made would be answered with a glare or a lecture about thinking about the baby or he would ask him what was bothering him or give him a knowing look and ask him what he was keeping from him.

Everytime that Harry wanted to go out and buy things for the baby and Draco told him that he wanted to wait, he would receive that look. But, at least he knew that he wasn't just making excuses; Draco honestly wanted to wait until he was a bit further along in the pregnancy. Whenever Harry would ask him if he was ready to buy things, Draco's feelings would conflict with each other. One side of him couldn't wait to go out and search for all of the things that he and Harry would need to buy for their baby; but on the other hand, he would always wonder if he would lose this baby as well. How much harder would it be to have to look at a completed nursery for a baby that would never come?

After a few moments of though, he always decided that it would be a _lot_ easier, and a lot less painless, just to wait.

Slytherins, especially this one in particular, saved themselves the heartbreak of making the same mistake twice.

--

Most days Draco assumed that Harry thought that he couldn't hear the warnings; when they would have an appointment and Madame Karen and she would take Harry out in the hall and tell him about the dangerous road this pregnancy would take if Draco didn't take better care of himself; all of the pleas from Harry and the not-so-very cleverly disguised bribes; the sudden influx of lunch invitations from Hermione and sometimes even, Merlin help him, Ron.

It seemed that his life was becoming a constant stream of warnings, lectures, pleas, and other's desperation.

He'd heard all of their warnings and pleas and been dragged along on more dinner-dates and luncheons than he could count.

But Merlin, the just _didn't understand_.

Everytime they told him to think of the baby, he could only remember that empty ultrasound screen from all those months ago. Everytime Harry wanted to go out to buy things to prepare for the birth or their child, Draco thought about the Slytherin green baby blanket that he had bought the year before and hidden away in an old shoe box at the top of their closet.

He didn't want to make this real. From experience he had learned that getting your hopes up often did nothing but set yourself up for disaster; and when he was burned by the fires last time, he decided that it would be best to avoid them next time.

And try he did.

Then times would come when he just _couldn't _ignore the fact that he was pregnant.

The day he had secluded himself in his potions lab all those weeks ago and made the male-pregnancy test until he ran out of the proper ingredients. As he looked at nearly 30 bright blue vials and was reduced to sobs; whether from happiness or grief, he didn't know. All he knew were the salty tears running down his face.

How Harry would catch him around the waist when he walked past him and proceed to snog him, his left hand splayed across Draco's belly and his right moving to tangle up in his hair. That's when it felt real.

When he was too tired to get out of bed in the mornings and felt so nauseated he didn't want to move; that's when it felt real.

When he would rest his hands on his own belly and be able to _feel _the magic within him that was protecting and supporting their child.

When he felt the actual magic that was sustaining the baby disintegrating and shocking his system at the sudden change; pain that was unlike any other that he had experienced that could only be compared to that Cruciatus, one that he knew he hadn't felt with the loss of their first child; that's when it felt real.

When he woke up in a hospital room to see Harry sitting in the chair at his bedside, crying; crying because of him and his carelessness and how badly he had fucked this situation up. That's when it felt real.

They never spoke of what could have happened if Harry had never thought to ask Hermione and the Weasel to come over that day to keep him company till Harry was able to leave the minister's presence and come home. Though Draco was sure that not just himself, but Harry as well and possibly even Ron and Hermione, had been thinking about how much more devastating that night could have been, had he been alone.

But then, what about Harry? What would have happened had Harry not been in the minister's company that night and had been home?

Though they had never had to cross such a bridge before, Draco was sure that Harry would have completely and utterly panicked.

He recalled once when he had cut himself with a kitchen knife a while back and Harry freaked; he ran around the kitchen opening up every draw in a panic because he couldn't find something called "Bandages": forgetting all about simple healing spells and the fact that they didn't even own these "bandage" things.

Whenever the doctors and nurses attending him would pass through his room, they would send him such a look to let him know that it was his entire fault and _exactly _what they thought of him.

Back to his first night at the hospital when the nurse had made him choke down four different potions after Harry left and he ended up vomiting them back up all over his front and the sheets covering his lap. Was it just his imagination or did she look back at him with a "serves you right" glint in her eyes as she cleared away the mess with a wave of her wand and made him take the potions again?

But possibly he could have just been imagining things.

And then Harry just couldn't fucking _hate him_. Even after this last year that he knew must have been absolute hell for Harry, just as much as it was hell for him.

Yet, Harry was always forgiving him and telling him that he could never hate him and how much he loved him. But Draco always wondered what the _hell_ Harry had to feel sorry about. What was he always blaming himself for? Did Harry blame himself for the reasons that Draco couldn't talk to him about the miscarriage?

At times Draco could see in his eyes that Harry wished that he would share everything with him, as Harry had always tried to do.

And after a few days, he did.

And when he finally told Harry about the miscarriage and he begged him to never leave him. He didn't even remember thinking it; it just slipped out.

He could still picture the look on Harry's face as he leaned down to kiss him and

promised him that he would come back before he turned and left.

As the door clicked shut, tears began streaming down Draco's face as the consequences of his actions finally caught up with him and he thought of all the other ways that they could come to affect him, Harry, and their relationship in the future.

Harry never had told him where he went or what he did while he was gone for all those hours. But he did come back. He _did _come back. a

They never talked about it, they never mentioned it; it was as if Harry had never up and disappeared for a few agonizingly long hours one day.

---

Being released from St. Nicholas' and being put on bed rest for a minimum of 25 days was absolute torture in the beginning.

First and foremost were, of course, the potions.

During his stay at the hospital they had him choking down at least five different foul tasting potions, and unfortunately he had to continue religiously taking three of them after discharge.

A nutrient potion that was supposed to help with his malnutrition, an anti-depressant potion, and of course a potion that he had to take to ensure the baby's health. He didn't care what they called them or what they all were meant to help; they all still tasted like liking the bottom of someone's boot after a nice long trek through the Forbidden Forest.

_Honestly. _Did they not know about _basic variations _to the recipes to counteract these things?

But that was only part of the torture that he had to endure as a part of his St. Nicholas' PPP (Personal Patient Plan).

Having to take those awful tasting potions 'x' many times a day, having to stick to a strict diet that Harry wouldn't let him deviate from in the slightest, having to see Mme Karen at least two to three times a week so that him and the baby could be poked and prodded and inspected from every medical angle possible.

He might as well have stayed at the hospital if he was going to endure this sort of treatment day in and day out. Though, it was a lot more comfortable being in your own home, in your own room, in your own bed.

About a week and a half into these four weeks of hell, Harry helped by coming home after work one day and surprising him with something that made his days a lot more bearable.

His best and oldest friend, Blaise Zabini.

How Harry ever found the bloke was beyond Draco as a few months after the war ended two years ago, Blaise had decided to "go out and find himself" by traveling around the world. Draco was sure that all the 'finding' that he did was a long string of summer flings, warm beds to have a quick romp in, and the 'best' clubs in the area, for whatever place he was in.

That first night they'd stayed up till nearly one the next morning trying to catch up on all that had happened in their lives since Blaise left, only to have the party broken up by Harry whom insisted that Draco had to get some sleep and showed Blaise the guest bedroom down the hall.

At Harry's insistence Blaise stayed with them for the rest of Draco's bed rest.

It reached a point where he had to leave; contrary to popular belief, Blaise was a busy man. He had to see to the flat the he and Draco used to share together, attend social/business functions, and various other "business" affairs-but it seemed he saw Draco at least once a day. Whether it was a few minutes, or the guest room overnight, Blaise stayed with him, and Draco was grateful.

---

In the past couple of weeks since he'd been released from the hospital, he had ordered every baby catalogue, male pregnancy and parenting book that he could get his hands on, desperate to read up on and prepare himself for everything that would happen in the very near future.

Growing up, he and Harry had never had much experience with babies, and it wasn't a topic that could have been covered anywhere in their schooling at Hogwarts.

Soon after they began to read up on what to expect, he and Harry learned that neither of them knew the first thing about babies or the fine mechanics that were incorporated in a wizarding pregnancy.

Another accompaniment of pregnancy that Draco found that he and Harry had not prepared for soon made itself known by a slight tightening around the waistband, but soon progressed so that it was nearly impossible to wear any of his own pants that he before had not had the slightest difficulties with wearing.

And as his magic seemed to be coming and going as it very well pleased, yet another _wonderful_ characteristic of male pregnancy, he found himself unable to simply perform a charm to stretch the waistband of his troublesome apparel- or, on alternate days, shredding them in an instant with his overactive magic in a fury.

He was reluctant to go to Harry, or any one else for that matter, for help because he couldn't fathom the embarrassment that he was sure he would feel in asking someone else to stretch his pants for him, or to have them accompany him so he could go and buy some that could actually fit.

In order to rectify this, he had taken to just wearing his pajama bottoms around the house all day and, better yet, wearing Harry's old jeans.

Ah yes, the perks of being the more diminutive party in a relationship.

----

Even as the pregnancy stabilized and progressed over the weeks while Draco was on bed rest, 'doctor's orders' said that he still had to have more frequent appointments with Mme. Karen.

Now, instead of seeing the Medi-witch once every three weeks or so, he was seeing her a _minimum _of once a week, every Thursday actually, so that she would be able to keep a closer eye on Draco and the baby's progress.

The other week Madame Karen had even let them see the first ultrasound of their baby. Or rather, the first ultrasound so that he and Harry could see their baby instead of just the Medi-witch making sure that all was still progressing as it should.

Seeing the moving lines on the screen that showed the outlines of their child made the pregnancy seem even more real, and brought tears to his and Harry's eyes. This was what he and Harry would be protecting, loving, caring for, raising. Draco had never quite believed in 'love at first sight' but he seeing his baby he did now.

Then when Madame Karen asked if they wanted to know the gender of their baby, Draco didn't know what to say.

He looked up to Harry to see what he wanted, and he said that he was hoping that they would wait so that they would be surprised when the baby got there.

Draco didn't mind.

He was sure that they would have a boy, though; he could just feel it.

Then at the next appointment, the one two weeks ago, Madame Karen had explained to the two boys how the baby was almost to the stage where it would develop hearing and start responding to sounds from 'the outside world'.

She also told Draco that he would even be able to feel the baby moving within him at around this time as well. And, with some amount of concentration, Draco found that sometimes he could feel the slight feelings of "butterflies" in his belly that was their baby moving. When he got up first thing in the morning, or when he sat down, or after he had been lying down for a period of time he would feel the fluttering sensation.

He still had yet to tell Harry; for now he desired to keep it his own little secret.

Every night since that appointment, Draco had noted that Harry had begun talking to their baby after he believed that Draco himself was asleep.

Harry never talked about anything in particular, and it mostly tended to be on the boring side, but Draco still found himself lying in a pretend sleep for a while every night just to hear what Harry was going to say.

Some nights he would talk about work, and others he would talk about his adventures at Hogwarts, but most nights he would talk about his childhood, Draco, and their relationship over the years. He would tell how excited he was about becoming a father and how much he already loved this child and how much he planned on spoiling him.

It took all Draco had within him to not smile, or laugh, at Harry most nights. Sometimes though, he couldn't even manage that, and let out a grin or chocked laughter, but Harry was always too far gone in his own little world to notice.

After a few nights of this, Draco started noticing the little things that Harry did while talking to his belly.

How he would always first gently lay his hand on Draco's belly, as if hesitant to disturb Draco. Even through his closed eyelids, he could picture Harry's eyes flicking up every so often to see if he had bothered him.

How Harry would lay further down on the bed so that his face would be directly beside Draco's own belly; most of the time he would be leaning so close that Draco was able to feel Harry's breath ghosting over his skin, making him try his hardest to repress a shudder.

How every time Harry talked to the baby, he referred to himself as "Daddy" and Draco as "Papa".

Papa. He liked that.

Over the past few weeks, Draco had found himself wondering what he and Harry would call each other when they had entered fatherhood; and although he was technically the 'mother' in this, he still didn't believe that it would be appropriate to be called "mummy" as he was still a male, regardless.

He found that sometimes it was uncanny how Harry could always find the answer to a problem that he didn't even share with him.

--

A/N: So that's Draco's chapter. I had tons more fun writing his than Harry's and I love how his chapter makes Harry's make more sense and the same for Harry's, if you think about it.

Please tell me what you think. I'll write their happy ending….eventually, maybe.


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